It is our own choices and hard work on each other which results in a healthy marriage; it is not a God given gift. In a relationship, it is very common to have misunderstandings and problems. Giving up may seem like an easier option but although it may seem true, but then it would become less of a challenge to pass through different phases. You can get a reward after passing through all these phases. This article would give you hope that a marriage can last up-to a life time and that after passing through all these phases you would achieve a happy marriage.

1 Criticism

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Everyone doesn’t receive criticism the way we expect them to, but it can become a way of attacking if it is seems offensive and straight forward and be very dangerous in a relationship.

According to the book “the four horsemen of apocalypse” written by Dr. John Gottman, criticizing your partner would be a way to indicate that they are not good enough. Words like “you never” or “you always” are common in an argument and it never leads to good outcome. Your partner would start defending themselves while talking to you. For a happy marriage, you should be making direct complaints instead of direct attacks on the personality of your partners.

2 Resistance and stonewalling

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In some part of our relationship, we must have made mistakes against our partner’s where they would not want to talk to you and share their problems with you. They may build a wall around themselves and ignore you and not give enough consideration to you.

80 % of men are like this, stated by Dr. John Gottman. He really cares deep inside, but doesn’t want to show it. You should try to understand the signs your partner displays while they are overwhelmed and you should avoid pushing them. You should choose a calmer situation to discuss particular problems with your partner.

3 Attraction to someone else

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Although it may be hard to admit but 70% of women who are in a relationship have crushes. It is a normal feeling to be attracted to another but this doesn’t mean that they will cheat on you.

In a happy marriage, the main objective is not react to those feelings and be completely aware of what you are doing. Closing yourself off from your partner just because you’re confused wouldn’t be a good solution. You would face many temptations in life but one of the most valuable things to hold a relationship is trust.

4 Contempt

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Moral superiority usually causes the feeling of contempt in your marriage. There are ways it can destroy your relationship like eye rolling, hostile humor, sarcasm, etc. You should provide your partner gratitude and appreciation. It is similar to a mirror. You can get rid of contempt by feeling positive. It is like doing hard work for yourself which is worth it. Your partner should be able to see and understand the love you to show to them and not just annoyance.

5 Acceptance and forgiveness

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In this phase, we totally become aware of the fact that they way the problem was solved didn’t lead to good result and it should be avoided. You would have to decide a more peaceful method for solving problems. Every person has their own way of doing this like some prefer to read books whereas some talk to their close family and friends.

After this, you reach a stage of a happy marriage where you forgive your spouse for their behavior. Then you begin to accept their bad habits along with their good habits, this would take your relationship further. The number of fights between you both would decrease and emotions would keep decreasing consequently.

6 Together at last

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You can get a real jewel of a happy marriage after you overcome all these stages of hard work, pain and sacrifice. Y’all don’t have go through the struggling phase together and work to solve problems in a better way, instead of avoiding challenges.

When you can share your history, you would understand that at this stage your marriage has become history and you should feel happy with yourself. You should appreciate your partner for going through all these phases with you and that your happy marriage has lasted till now.